Friday, May 30

My whole generation is stupid! Video proof

Can't stand this kind of stuff. Guy goes on a beach, asks some drunk idiots a few history questions, they get the questions wrong, and my whole generation is labelled as idiots, thanks to Obama or Common Core or something. Meh. Be sure to check the subsequent garbage column from Glenn Beck, which took this hypothesis even further. P.S. nice popped collar.


Videos like this are great on Jimmy Kimmel as humor, but when Bill O'Riley and Glenn Beck get up there and act like this is some kind of scientific barometer for an entire generation, they lose all credibility. Dude, you went on the beach, popped your collar like its 2005 and asked the dumbest people you could find questions. Nice sample size. What's your confidence interval here? Two percent? Get real.

Sure there are a lot of morons in my generation. It can actually be depressing. But don't paint everyone born within the past 25-30 years as total idiots using a 4 minute video clip. Looking at you, commenters on Glenn Beck's website.

Why didn't you head down to Silicon Valley and see what my generation is up to there? I can play the small sample size game too. Maybe Mark Zuckerberg was too busy making billions off his idea? Or 19-year-old Nicholas Allegra, who got an internship with Apple for hacking their precious phones couldn't find the time to return your calls? What about Kevin Systrom, who founded Instagram and sold it for $1 billion? Do you even know what Instagram is, Bill? Don't forget Jonny Cohen, a 16-year-old that invented an air shield for buses, which increases fuel efficiency by 25%. And Daniela Witten is developing artificial intelligence programs to help identify genes that lead to diseases. She's 26. Or Blair Brandt, 23-year-old CEO of a global real estate company. Or 27 year-old Karin Agness, a lawyer who founded a conservative group for college women. Javier Fernandez-Han invented a system that uses algae to digest sewage and capture methane for fuel. He's 17. Ernestine Fu negotiated a $1.3 million deal in seed funding for Qwhspr at age 20. Pete Cashmore founded a media website at age 19 that has become one of the biggest on the web in less than 7 years. Yeah, he's pulling apart your old-fashioned media, Bill and Glenn. Robert Nay programmed a game called Bubble Ball, which has over 9 million downloads. He's 15. No journey to Harvard, Stanford, Michigan or any respectable campus either? No trip down Wall Street, where the brightest young minds are being cherry-picked? Hmm.

When you seek out morons at the beach, selectively edit responses and act like this represents my generation, you are simply deceiving your dwindling viewers. Yes, educational systems are not doing a great job. Yes, we've been dumbed down by technology. And yes, learning history is crucial. But there are millions of success stories in my generation. We are embracing technology and turning it into billion dollar industries. Sure, some of my gen might be content to play Candy Crush all day, but there are so many more smart, educated and motivated individuals making a huge impact on society. And this isn't just in tech. This is across all industries.

Sorry Bill and Glenn, we will not get off your lawn. We will invent an app to measure the length of your lawn and communicate with a landscaping company, then charge you to use it. Your bill is in the mail, because I'm assuming you aren't using the app Venmo to pay for it.

By Aaron Brandt, inventor of the potato and cheese pita in the Foreman Grill. 

Saturday, May 10

Dwyane Wade imitates an old painting

It's been a hot minute since I last blogged, so why not get back in the game with a breakdown of some overalls?

(h/t @jonesontheNBA)






















Anyway, Dwyane Wade showed up to the Heat-Nets game in this number, and it seemed eerily familiar. After no less than 37 seconds of hard Internet research I got it. American Gothic.


D-Wade is totally paying tribute to Grant Wood's classic "American Gothic" painting, now hanging in the Art Institute of Chicago. I see you, Dwayne. I see you. He took one of the most American paintings we have, and put his own spin on it. Today's modern man has no time for overall straps, but he can certainly find space in his busy lifestyle for a nice brooch. And if Grant Wood had painted a full body portrait, it would have 100% revealed the man to be wearing animal print Keds. Comfortable and functional footwear; perfect for battling dustbowls and boll weevils. Gotta love athletes who have respect for America, our history and art. Bravo, Mr. Wade.

By Aaron Brandt, art and fashion critic.