You may have noticed the DirecTV commercials. You know, the ones where the normal dude has a family composed of wooden puppets on a string? He makes very insensitive comments about how he hates wires, they get sad and then he assures them he meant the TV wires. The looks on those puppets' eyes fills me with inconsolable sadness, but also questions. Specifically, seven questions.
- What led to puppets becoming integrated in society? This is clearly some type of alternate universe, where puppets have been seamlessly meshed into society. But how? Why? What's the origin story here?
- Why would anyone want to be married to a puppet? Are they not made of solid wood and glass and controlled by wires? What person would want to be with someone like that? I mean, the fire hazard alone would be a huge cause for concern, and a red flag in my book.
- Do houses with puppets have roofs? Clearly the strings lead to something or someone above. There's no evidence of a device in the ceiling, so there must be no roofs in this puppeted alternate universe. Does this mean it never rains? Because if there is no roof, then water would get on the puppets and they might rot, making the whole endeavour useless.
- Who controls the puppets? What sort of hand in the sky is in charge of the strings that cause so many problems and emotional damage for these puppets? Does the puppet master control everything, or do the puppets tell the master what to do, and he carries out the actions?
- Do they have independent thoughts? If there is a puppet master, would he not be in control of any movements, including talking? So that would mean the puppets were simply speaking the mind of the great puppet master, not themselves. Do the humans know this? Or are they oblivious to the fact that a hand in the sky controls these wooden beings from a hole in the roof? Or do they choose to ignore this sick societal hierarchy?
- How are new puppets made? Are they whittled, or is there some sort of natural process for having children? Or a combination of both?
- Is anything real? Is this just a metaphor for our own lives? Are we nothing more than puppets on a string, controlled by "the man" (probably Goldman Sachs, Dick Cheney or McDonalds' low wages), unable to think on our own. Do we live in the Matrix? Maybe I'm the puppet master? Maybe the puppets in the commercial are the real puppet masters? Maybe the strings are the real masters? Or maybe DirecTV wants you to look into their new wireless technology, and sign up to a two year agreement. Nah, that's not as fun to imagine. Viva la puppets.
By Aaron Brandt, no strings attached.