Wednesday, February 27

List of reasons to cancel school

Last night, we were hit with a nasty snow squall. I drove down I-94 right in the middle of its icy wrath. I will admit, it was bad. But it eventually stopped, the temperature went up and the plows had time to clear the roads. My commute this morning was smooth, with the exception of some puddles.

Shut. Everything. Down.
However, a large amount of schools including Oakland University decided to close their doors because of the snow. Get real. Most of the snow is melted by now anyway, and the roads are clear. Was this the result of an OU student's sob story on their Facebook wall or just a terrible terrible forecast? Maybe someone stole the code to call into all the TV stations?

Who knows. But now that we live in a world where 3 inches of melting snow can cancel school, I have created a list of other "disasters" that might cause schools to close in the future. Principals, please hold a seminar for your staffs regarding this information. You are not allowed to put this into Powerpoint form. Please, stop using Powerpoint.

Reasonably Reasonable Reasons to Close School
  1. Any amount of snow greater than 2.7 inches.
  2. Every time a butterfly flaps its wings in Japan.
  3. Wind speeds exceeding 6 MPH
  4. More than three lightning strikes in an hour within the continental United States.
  5. When the printer gets jammed. Any printer. Anywhere.
  6. If the number of squirrels on campus exceeds seven.
  7. If gas goes over $4.00 per gallon
  8. Today is Polar Bear Day (Just FYI)
  9. The Dow Jones Index falls a certain amount of points
  10. JWoww's birthday (Today! She's 27! That's like 73 in tanning bed years!)
  11. If the new Star Trek isn't very good.
  12. If there are too many birds on one wire.
  13. If the clouds don't look cautiously optimistic.
  14. Justin Verlander pitches less than six innings.
  15. If your phone has below 50% battery remaining.
  16. If Farmer Jim's hen lays less than two eggs.
To those complaining about school not being cancelled, cry me a river. Did George Washington just cancel the Revolutionary War when the weather got bad? No. Did Balto quit carrying the serum from Anchorage to Nome when everyone was sick? No. Did Santa quit on Christmas Eve when it was thicker than pea soup out there? Not a chance. Three inches of snow? Deal with it.

By Aaron Brandt, first time .gif blogger.

Tuesday, February 12

The Warby Parker Hayworth Collection

In a world of swag, bling and yet another Die Hard movie, it is important to remember something that seems to have fallen from our cultural lexicon: class. What is class? Class cannot be quantified. Class cannot be measured. Class cannot be forced into a contrived formula and sold at fast food restaurants. Class is a lifestyle.

However,  due to your own budgetary restraints, class may seem unattainable. Not everyone has the cash-flow of Justin Timberlake or Jay-Z, yet we'd rather not purchase a "swap meet hat" like The Dream. Thankfully, a company such as Warby Parker exists.

The Neville (Sugar Maple)
You don't need a minority share in the Brooklyn Nets to don a pair of Warby Parker's high class, high quality frames. At Warby Parker, affordability does not compromise style or quality. Whether you need to shade your eyes from the unforgiving sun, or simply correct your vision, the Hayworth Collection from Warby Parker is here to provide you with luxurious style at an affordable price.

The collection consists of six brand new frames; three optical and three sunglasses. The retrospective design can be traced to Los Angeles in the 1940s and 1950s; a time of post-war sophistication and intrigue that is unparalleled in our rich American history. But these frames are no fragile relics of a bygone era.
The Neville (Sugar Maple)

Built with the strength of premium Japanese titanium and rendered in a signature custom acetate, these frames are built to last. The noir and Art Deco stylings offer something entirely unique, yet historically familiar. Personally, I am drawn to the Neville. The bold frame is accentuated with small but distinct titanium flourishes and a color scheme which is easy on they eyes in more ways than one. Furthermore, the Sugar Maple's subdued, yet bold tones make it the winner in my book. Whether you are spending a day at the beach or reading the latest from the morning paper, the Neville is a surefire way to stand out in a world deprived of sophistication.

But don't take my word for it, see for yourself at the Warby Parker website. Thanks for reading!

Monday, February 11

My broadcasting debut: LHN Basketball

Lights out, guellia radio. Turn that computer/mobile device up.  

On Monday, February 11 at 7:30 PM, I will be broadcasting the Lutheran North varsity girls’ basketball game vs. Algonac live from 24 Mile and Romeo Plank. Thanks to the recently formed broadcasting club, the mics will be hot and the insight won’t stop.

Follow LHN Radio on Twitter at @Lhnradio

To find the broadcast, head to and click play. It will be active sometime before 7:30 PM. 

Send me a Tweet at @AaronBrandt and I might work it into the broadcast.  You can also send me your basketball memories, strategies and shout-outs. I will not be taking any requests for "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis featuring Wanz.


By Aaron Brandt, the Gregory Kelser of Macomb.