Wednesday, May 30

Why is my laptop on fire?

Umm, as I stay on the line with a Sony employee forever, my laptop is smoking. No joking. And then it turned off.

I have a Sony Vaio F-Series, that has always been loud (it gets too hot). Anyone know how to fix this? Anyone want to ship me a MacBook Pro? Anyone want to give me a hug?

By Aaron Brandt, who will literally pepper spray you if you use a key (which is all too easy to acquire) to get into my apartment. 

Thursday, May 24

Panic in Tigertown! Should Prince Fielder be traded?

The Tigers just got swept by the mighty Indians of Cleveland. The streets of the Motor City are in chaos. Productivity has ceased. The Faygo factory has quit producing Rock & Rye. The Detroit Zoo just let all the animals free. Kid Rock is selling Nice Guy Beer. Urban gardens are being looted of their cabbages. And the 2012 Detroit Tigers are in a free fall.

I don't even want to listen to the radio. No doubt it will be full of overreactions, hyperbole and dramatic rants regarding Bobby Higginson Todd Jones Curtis Joseph Brandon Inge Ryan Raburn.Welcome to May, where Tiger fans panic, no matter what the record on the field is. 35-5 in 2006? Panic. The bottom will fall out and we will be first in line to draft Greg Oden or JaMarcus Russell. 22-18 in 2011? Panic. Fire Leyland, fire Dombrowski, trade Miggy for Cameron Maybin.

The season is early. Trades will be made. Pitching will improve. Hitters will hit. Slaters gonna Slate. But I am tired of seeing people call for the head of Jose Valverde, who cannot possibly come close to what he did last season. It is annoying to hear wild solutions like hitting Prince leadoff or putting Gene Lamont on a diet. Let the season play out and stop treating Sparky Anderson's theory that a team's record at 40 games determines it's fate as the law. Tell that to the 1987 Tigers. Tell it to last year's Pittsburgh Pirates. The quips of a Detroit legend do not qualify as fact.

Yes, there are various warning signs that point to a possible disaster. But the MLB season is long, and bats can get hot for no apparent reason, just as the pitching of anyone not named Fister and Verlander can improve. I refuse to panic (ie, tweet) about the team at this point. I'll panic the day the Tigers are mathematically eliminated. Then I'll just watch the Pistons become mathematically eliminated by drafting anyone not named Zack Novack. Shout out to Mitch McGary. Un-shout out to Gary Harris.

By Aaron Brandt, who not only missed the draft of his fantasy baseball league, he hasn't even signed into Yahoo since March (After winning both NCAA brackets). What he doesn't know cannot kill him.