Tuesday, August 7

The 2012 Olympics (so far)

Well we are right in the thick of the 2012 London Olympics, and boy oh boy have they been terrific. Here is my spin on the games.

1. Tape-delay controversy. Some people are angry at Britain for being five hours ahead, therefore ruining Twitter. NBC isn't broadcasting live, which is a good thing, as I would not be inclined to watch velodrome-ing at 7AM (It actually held my interest). Twitter is a live social media tool. If you don't want results, well, then don't look at Twitter.

2. Phelps-Lochte. This whole rivalry was so overblown that the Philadelphia Eagles dream team sued for copyright infringement. This was the biggest non-story of the games. There appears to be no feud, and Phelps is still the best swimmer on earth and Lochte couldn't back up all of his talk. However, Lochte did swim to London, and he's probably the owner of lots of razors, so that's something.

3. Ridiculous events. So baseball and softball were taken away from the games, but I have to sit through equestrian and table tennis? These are the Olympic games, not the Olympic hobbies. Why not make croquet a sport? Bocce ball? Basket weaving? Any of those would be more exciting than watching horses slowly plod around a little obstacle course. Yes, I'm sure it takes skills, but so does knitting. Case closed.

4. Olympic color scheme. Lots of pink. Too much pink. Was there a sale on pink paint?

5. Missy Franklin. The 17-year old USA swimmer won a bunch of gold medals. When I was 17, I held my breath and swam from one end of my 25 foot pool to the other. It feels good to be in such a great company of winners.

6. USA Basketball. Who cares if they could beat the Dream Team or not. The rules and entire game of basketball is different, the rest of the world is better at basketball, and the current team has way cooler shoes. Lets just focus on the fact that LeBron isn't the ultimate villain any more. That goes to the man below.

7. Alexander Alexandrov. The Russian gymnastics coach has literally the most bad-guy communist name of all time. You can't make this stuff up, even for a 1980s Bond movie, because it would be too unrealistic. My firstborn son might be named Alexander Alexandrov Brandt. Or Jason Bourne Brandt. America.

8. Where do the Olympics take place? Britain, England, or the U.K.? My 2009 copy of the AP Stylebook probably addresses this, but I lost it while using Twitter to get my news. #journalism

9. Divers and their towels. What's up with the tiny towels that divers always have? So they throw these things on the floor covered in stagnant water, then wipe their faces with them? Hmm. I'm no ringworm expert, but...

10. Usain Blot. Are people really complaining about Usain Bolt's cockiness? I don't think he is cocky enough. Literally no human being has ever run as fast as this man. Ever. In the ultimate test of athleticism, he is the ultimate champion. He can extinguish the Olympic torch for all I care, the guy has earned it.

By Aaron Brandt, gold medalist in the Entertainment Promotions Nerf target shooting competition.