Friday, March 2

Leave animals alone!

Check out this video.

How stupid are people these days? This chimp clearly is upset by the baby, yet everyone else thinks its just hilarious. "LOL so cute, look at that wild animal go into fits of rage at my child! HAHAHAHA!" You know what isn't hilarious? Planet of the Apes. Those apes were probably hanging out in the zoo, and some clueless parent was flashing her child, and before you know it, the Statue of Liberty is half buried in sand. Boom, roll credits.

But honestly, I don't care how much glass is between me and an animal with super strength, I am not messing with it. Because one, that chimp could break through the glass and kill everyone. And two, even if the glass doesn't break, that chimp will never forget, and he'll tell his other chimp friends and he'll tell his chimp kids and those chimp kids will tell their chimp kids, and the legend will continue to grow until one day, the absolute perfect storm of opportunity strikes, and I find myself looking for my face, arms and legs in some shrubs. No thanks.

Get that baby away from the glass, because the chimp has absolutely nothing else to do but plot baby's demise. Literally years of sitting around thinking about all the ways it can get its chimpy hands on that baby and exact revenge, Tarzan style. Animals are not people. Just ask James Franco.

By Aaron Brandt, former zoo employee (that did not touch poop once in his tenure)