Thursday, January 26

Camel makes her Super Bowl picks, I call foul

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/01/26/popcorn-park-zoos-camel-picks-giants-to-win-the-super-bowl/

So this camel named Princess made her Super Bowl pick (the Giants) again, and is currently on a six game win streak when it comes to the big game. Whatever.

I worked with camels part of last summer, and I have to tell you, they are not very smart animals. No way this camel doesn't have her nose in some sort of elaborate scheme involving the CIA, NFL and even SOPA. Where I worked, it took a camel almost all summer to learn how to walk in a tiny circle without bucking people off of its mangy hump. And even then it was too unstable to allow for anything other than the workers (myself) to ride (which was very uncomfortable, by the way).

Besides, she's only 63% right on her lifetime picks. Come on, something doesn't add up here. She's a camel, she has a terrible record, and then all of the sudden she's some kind of Super Bowl guru? Someone get Jessie Ventura on the line and figure out this conspiracy. I do not buy it. Sell, sell, sell.

This brings up another issue. Teachers out there, I love you, but you were DEAD WRONG when it came to camels. There is NO water in a camel's hump. The hump is not some kind of magical storage bag that fills up when the camel drinks. No, it is full of fat. Kids these days have no idea what a camel's main attribute is all about, and I blame the education system. Stop propagating lies and teach the youth about a camel's hump fat. What's next, Pluto is a planet? Please.

P.S. I guess we know what Santa Claus does in the off-season. Or maybe he doesn't even use reindeer, instead opting for a more durable animal such as a camel. Santa's even rocking the standard green shirt, tan hat look that all camel operators I know utilize. Good for Santa.

By Aaron Brandt, who thinks the Patriots will win. I guess. Who cares, I'm an advertising major; shut up during the commercials.