Wednesday, November 16

Why I don't own an umbrella

Way back in 2008, I was going over my list of junk to bring to college. Toothpaste, underwear, Lord of the Rings complete extended edition on DVD; you know, the usual. My mother suggested that I bring an umbrella in case it rains while I'm walking to class. Being the independent 18 year-old I was at the time, I scoffed and rejected such a ridiculous offer. Well mom, looks like I had good reason to deny that umbrella. 

The Reflector A man reported to be carrying a gun toward ECU’s campus actually was carrying an umbrella, officials said today. Reports that he was carrying a gun prompted a three-hour long lockdown of East Carolina University and a large search of campus and surrounding area by armed police. Officials ended the lockdown just before 1 p.m., and an e-mail from Chancellor Steve Ballard said the reports turned out to be unfounded. Campus was locked down following two 10 a.m. reports that the man was walking on Fifth Street downtown toward campus. A search produced no arrest, officials said, and no hostage situations took place. Police confirmed at a news briefing at 1:30 p.m. that the man had a large umbrella in his backpack that people mistook for a rifle. Scores of armed police, with guns and rifles drawn and pointed, searched city and university buses, the Rivers Building and other campus facilities, the downtown area and a residential area near campus.


See, when you bring an umbrella to class, you send your school into lock down mode for three hours and find yourself face down on the pavement with an entire SWAT army pointing automatic weapons at you. Is that really worth it? I'll put up my hood and forge through the worst of what West Michigan has to offer if it means not getting shot in the name of dry clothing.

By Aaron Brandt, anti-umbrella, anti-get-mistaken-for-a-terrorist.