Sunday, June 19

Worst father ever?

Happy Father's Day; here's a video to make yourselves feel like great parents, no matter who you are.

Umm, worst dad ever award winner here? I think it's parenting rule number one that you, under no circumstances, let your child pick up dead animals. Yet this dude is just filming his daughter rub roadkill all over herself. I'm not sure how one can intentionally get rabies, but if I had to do it, this would be one of my first ideas. Find the nearest pancaked creature and slather his carcass all over my shirtless body. I'm sorry, but are 1.9 million views on YouTube worth having your daughter foam at the mouth like she's Tea Cake from "Their Eyes were Watching God?" Then you have snooty comments from mom, "Do you think she will be a vegetarian after this?" Uhh, if by vegetarian you mean she won't be able to eat anymore because she is in an iron lung, then yes, she will be a vegetarian. If your daughter's future diet is your main concern, as she rubs a rodent's rancid bodily fluids all over her Pull Ups, then you might want to hire a nanny.  "Now take a video of the mom." Calm down spotlight hog, Child Protective Services will give you plenty of attention in your interview. I think there is a direct relation between the number of subscribers to his YouTube channel and the number of days the girl spends in the hospital.

Contrast that with my dad, who happens to be the greatest dad of all time. When he brings dead animals into the equation, it is in the form of a mounted deer used to scare me from outside of my window when I was 7. Or the fact that my old cat "ran away," until we found out he was eaten by a dog. Five years later. And when a squirrel actually did try to spread his rabies on our family, pops nearly shot him off the roof with a rifle. And I would NOT have been allowed to rub Norman's (that was his name) bullet riddled squirrel chest all over my buzz cut. No, my dad is the greatest dad ever, and don't you forget it. I have been blessed to have such a great example as a person, and a Christian as my father. And he has a pretty good blog, too.

By Aaron Brandt, who still wonders how the last cat actually died. #SuspiciousCircumstances. 

Thanks to Chuck I. for the heads up on the video.