Monday, June 6

Life on Mars! Proof!

This guy's video is all over the Interwebs right now, igniting all those conspiracy theories again.

Basically, some guy got on Google Mars and found a while blob, and now he's claiming its either a "bio station," a "way-station" for space travelers who don't want to come to earth, or NASA (but he doubts they have what it takes to pull this off). And it "appears fairly well maintained." Umm, dude are you looking at the same white grainy strand as me? Well maintained? Like, can he see little brooms and containers of Lysol wipes in this supposed alien way-station? Is there a maid? That coat of paint on the front door looks recent... I mean, the gutters a little clogged, but hey, that's just a little weekend spacewalk project for Buzz Aldrin.

And  he also says, "clearly it's not a rock." Oh, you are right, Mr. Mars geologist. Based on a satellite photograph from  miles up in the Mars sky, you can deduct that a while spot is not a rock. Come on man. You see one little contrasting color and you jump to the three most unlikely conclusions possible, and then claim to have made "the most important discovery on Mars yet!" And guess what! NASA won't even talk to him about it! They must be hiding something! Because they have time to personally respond to every nut-job with a computer who "finds" stuff in space. Talk about jumping to conclusions. And bro, you are still using Windows XP. Do I need to go on any longer? I mean, the image is probably blurry because your non-existent graphics card probably can't render Google Images. The scientists who sent people to the moon would scoff at your dinosaur of an operating system.

Personally, I do not care whatsoever about goes on in space outside of our atmosphere. If aliens attack, then we cough on them like Dakota Fanning and they die of a head-cold. If there are microbes on Mars or even buildings, then we leave them alone and live our own lives. I really don't care about how spiders mate in zero gravity or if there is water on Pluto. People want us out of Iraq because of all the money and lives it costs... What about putting people on Mars? Nothing says "worthwhile purchase" like spending trillions so some guys can bounce around in red dirt. That's my space rant. If you don't like it, have a Tang and remind yourself why space it stupid. #SpaceIsStupid

By Aaron Brandt, who's knowledge on the subject of space comes from Magic School Bus and Bill Nye the Science Guy.