Thursday, May 5

Rest in peace, Peter Palm Tree.

The plant I purchased last summer has passed away. It appears as if Peter never recovered from spring break, where he was not watered for over a week. He was given a proper palm burial in the dumpster outside my apartment. Peter was a great plant, always there for me, always providing me with oxygen and pleasing aesthetics. He endured ridicule by several people ("is is a rain-forest in here?"), but stood proud.  Peter Palm Tree, you will be missed.

Warning, graphic photo of dead plant below. Unlike the government, I have the courage to release photos without fear of retaliation from gardeners all over the world. Now it's off to Lowe's to find a replacement. Can you grow apple trees inside? Yeah, I'm about to buy an apple tree.

By Aaron Brandt, amateur horticulturalist, professional zookeeper.