This summer I have noticed several trends that I find either funny or stupid (or both). Or maybe I am just bored.
1. Children’s sunglasses young adult males. You know, the neon colored, plastic sunglasses that we used to get at the dollar store when we were 10? Well, they are back, but this time, they are mostly found on people ages 17-23. These are often matched with tight jeans and a neon graphic tee. Personally, if I am going to wear sunglasses, I want them to block the sun, not my ability to have a serious conversation about anything other than the Jonas Brothers.
2. MMA, UFC, or Tapout shirts. These shirts, usually bearing the logo of some mixed martial arts league, are covered in aggressive designs featuring skulls, barbed wire and a lot of slash marks. The major problem is that most people wearing them get the shirt about three sizes too small to show off their muscles. However, it just makes you look like a tool. I am willing to bet that 99.8% of the bros who wear this shirt have never stepped into any kind of ring, let alone used an arm bar (You have to mix it up!) on anyone. Yes, that was a Never Back Down reference. (And if you have stepped into the ring, then you have every right to wear the shirts, no matter how small.)
3. Large purses are another annoyance. Purses have gotten so big recently, that they could be used to smuggle people across the Mexican border. Seriously, why would you possibly need a bag big enough to store Chris Osgood’s pads and even Osgood himself, just to go to a graduation party? Usually, there is enough material on one bag (metal, leather, canvass, glass, acrylic resin, copper wiring, German butlers, etc) to rebuild the Hindenburg. Juicy.
The Internet world-
1. Fan pages on Facebook. There is a fan page for everything. In fact, there is even a fan page for this specific blog post. Become a fan!
2. Youtube videos that only have significance to the people watching them. No one wants to see video of your bff’s singing Akon songs at 3 AM. Not even me.
3. Twitter promotion. Does every single show on TV have a twitter account? Does it have to be flashed on the screen 400 times in a half hour span? Does anyone really want to follow Stuart Scott’s tweets? No, no, and no! PS, You can follow me on twitter at twitter.com/AaronBrandt.
4. Using Strube Slang. When chatting online or commenting on pictures you use language like: IMO, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, FTW, boss, pwnd, n00bz, I call, Obv, or COD 4. Basically anything Mark Strube would say while he was online. Well well well…
5. Pulling an A-Flu. This is when you have a blog, but you never update it.
6. Quoting song lyrics in status updates to make a direct point to a specific person, without actually talking to that person. “Boy, I’ll show Jane how much I like her through this Dashboard Confessional lyric! Because I am too scared to do anything besides a status update!” The sad truth; Jane will never see your post, and even if she does, she will only question your musical taste.
7. Facebook notes. Don’t tag me. If it is that important, I will find it eventually. Facebook notes are the tabloids of internet writing. Internet writings are the tabloids of writing. Tabloids are sold at CVS. CVS used to be called Arbor Drug. Ann Arbor is where the University of Michigan is located. U of M is where “pulling an A-Flu” was born.
1. 96.3 WDVD. Apparently, the local adult contemporary radio station in Detroit gave up playing more than four different songs in a day. If I hear Nickleback, Daughtry, or Natasha Bettingfield one more time, I will simply change the station. Bam, roasted.
2. Cowboys. Maybe not a musical trend, but what’s the deal with the guys who dress in the full-out cowboy costume every single day? There is absolutely NO need for spurs in Macomb, Michigan. Save a horse, ride over to Lakeside Mall and get some real shoes.
3. Playing your iPod everywhere. There is no excuse to take your music into private property. Do you hate the store’s music that much? Do you have to listen to the Lil’ Wayne remix of Billie Jean that bad? Will your iPod get stolen if you leave it in the car? No, no, and only if you are south of Hall Road.
4. Michal Jackson music. Two weeks ago, it was embarrassing to listen to wacko-Jacko. Now it is so cool that Stuart Scott twittered about how much he likes “Bad”.
1. “Out of a job yet? Keep buying foreign” bumper stickers. Oh how I would love to go into the home of those people who think they are the ultimate Americans because they drive a Ford Excursion and see just how many Chinese products I can round up. Better hide the new TV! What’s for dinner? I hope it’s takeout.
2. Calling my phone and not leaving a message. I have a policy, if you call, and you want me to call back, then leave a message. If you don’t leave a message, then I will not call back. Not leaving a message is very rude, IMO.
3. Texting constantly. Very annoying. There is nothing like talking to someone who is talking to three other people at the same time. Or someone who trash talks over text. Step up and say it face to face. Or at least to their twitter. “ur blog sux. @AaronBrandt. i reed perez hilton 4 fun. don’t bash ppl so much, dat iz no kool”
4. Kim Jong Ill. What’s up with this dude? Is he really going to destroy us? I call.
5. Long lists. I am so sick of people who make long lists of personal information. Seriously, does anyone care about what you have to say about everyday life? Umm, no. Stop making those lame lists and start making a positive contribution to society. I can’t stand those people…wait…scratch that last one.
Tune in next week to my blog for, “76 Facts I bet you didn’t know about my wireless mouse.” It is sure to stir up some controversy.
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another picture to burn.” (See, that Taylor Swift lyric was meant to be read by one specific person in the world, and they were supposed to understand one specific idea that I am trying to communicate through this vague song lyric that has been way overused in the Facebook/Myspace realm). God bless America. (That song lyric may be applied by anyone.)