Wednesday, October 29

Why UPS people carry pepper spray

Cue "The Final Countdown", because tonight is game one of the Detroit Pistons 2008-2009 season. The ballers from the motor city will take on the Indiana Pacers at the Palace of Auburn Hills. A new season with the same goal: an NBA championship. However, I do not think this is going to be a great season. The Pistons are stuck in am awkward transition period. They have been loyal to their players unlike any other team; the core of Billups, Hamilton, Wallace, and Prince has been together since 2004. This is unheard of in a league where Michal Jordan can come back with a team other than the Bulls. On the other side, the team does have a strong core of young players, such as Jason Maxiel, Amir Johnson, and Rodney Stuckey. These players should be getting much more playing time, but the franchises loyalty to the fantastic four will not allow it. I understand that the veterans were a part of the great 2004 championship, and they have been so cohesive for so long, but it is time to move on. Sheed is so old that he is an average player even when he wants to play. Chauncey no longer goes as hard to the basket as he used to, Hamilton is past his prime, and Prince has not improved in 3 years. I think the Pistons should let go of the past and move on. It was time to break up the core 2 years ago. In the spring we will see the same results; a loss in the Eastern Conference finals, if they make it that far. They should have made a move while the core had a higher value. Now, they will get little more than salary cap space for the core. Its time to move on Joe.
While on the topic of the Pistons, I would like to bring up an issue that has concerned me for the past two years.
As soon as the Pistons drafted Rodney Stuckey, I thought he had a striking resemblance to rapper 50 Cent.
Well, this summer, I made some calls, and I was able to have them meet each other in person. See for yourself.
I was right. Physically. Career-wise however, they are quite opposite. Stuckey has great potential to dominate basketball. 50 is well past his prime, yet he continues to act like he is the greatest entertainer ever. I mean its been 5 years since "In Da Club" came out. 50, you ain't no Stuckey.
In other news, I received my second and third free packages in the mail.
The first was a poster that shows a cow and says "see her as more than a meal."
It is from PETA and encourages me not to murder the souls of the bovine species.
I had a cheeseburger last night.
The second package was a Betty Crocker Molten Cake Mix.
All I have to do is add water and microwave! In order to
get the packages, I had to go to the mail center. I figured this would be similar to a post office: clean, organized, and bright.
However, this room could be the shadiest place in Grand Valley.
It is a mess, smells like pizza, it is dark, and crowded full of suspicios charactars milling around my precious boxed goods.
So if you do plan on sending a package to your favorite blogger,
don't label it in any way. Just brown boxes people. Have a splendid day,
Aaron

P.S. I bought an air freshener (lilac) and it smells very nice in here.

Friday, October 24

Free at last, free at last, steak almighty, free at last.


About a month ago, I engaged in a serious project to get as much free goods as I possibly could. I read a story in "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader" about a TV show where they put a guy in a bare house, and he had to order everything from free samples in magazines. I put my name on many mailing lists for products ranging from toothpaste to an American flag. Well, a few days ago, I received my first mail. In my mailbox was a free coupon for Country Bob's All Purpose Scauce in a 13 oz. bottle. Of course this is only available in limited stores, but it is still free. This is the college life.
In other news, I went to High School Musical 3 at 12:01 AM this morning, and I have to say, it was better than expected. They cut down on the cheeseballity of the previous movies. However, one problem I did have was the scene on the rooftop of East High. As a member of the LHN summer maintenance crew, I can tell you that roof was highly unrealistic. I mean, plants? I painted pipes up there, and the only interesting stuff i found was a dead bird, a pair of briefs, and a shoe from about 1983. This was highly unrealistic. I have nothing else to say. Its now or never.

Thursday, October 23

Content 2 Heavy 2 Handle



So the Kwame texts were released and the judge described them as "text sex". In order to keep the family atmosphere of this bolg, I will not review the documents. Thug thizzle.

Friday, October 17

No History at LHN


As I meet more and more people from different schools here at Grand Valley, I become more and more aware of a common fact. Almost every other school has far more school spirit than my former school. These school have really cool traditions and histories that are nonexistent on the corner of 24 and Romeo Plank. I feel as if my Sophomore year was the peak of school spirit, as Rob Rotondo and crew started the Black Hole. Well, 3 years later, and I doubt people will even realize there is a basketball season. Apparently the open air mall is still a hot attraction. Mr. Slagel informed me that he counted a total of 12 people at the football game last Saturday. 12. There were more students at my sister's 5th grade girls' games back in the day. Pathetic. Even the crowd at homecoming was abysmal. I did not hear one cheer. I remember my freshman year when the crowd went crazy as the Cranbrook mascot came to our section. Yes, people used to cheer at games. The bleachers were not a metal extension of the parking lot, but a place to watch the games and get loud. The seniors used to sit at the front of the section and lead the students, not sit at the top and share the latest gossip about Nathan Schilling's girlfriends. I am wary of going back to a basketball game, as each year has gotten worse and worse.
I offer a solution. Change. Yes, Barack "The One" Obama's campaign slogan applies to what once was a proud school spirit tradition. The whole Mustang attitude needs to be changes. Next year you all will be moving to a new conference, with new opponents. Its time to get proud, get cocky, and get fired up about you school. In other wards, turn off Facebook, get off your phone, take off your ridiculous torn Hollister shirt and show you care about being a Mustang. Sure, it might be a down year, but the class of 09 will graduate, and the school can continue its sports success.
I know I sound harsh, but LHN is one of the strangest schools around when it comes to school spirit. LHN should have incredible spirit, yet Farmada, er, Armada consistently out cheers us. As basketball season approaches, I hope at least a few seniors step up and fire up the school.If that fails, I heard the Freshman and Sophomores were the loudest at the pep rally this year; the Black Hole Alumni Committee (yes, it exists) may endorse an underclassmen to lead the masses (all 12 of you). Class of 12 baby.
In other news, Barack Obama just walked on water and I had pizza for lunch and dinner today. Stay tuned for danger, Aaron

Thursday, October 9

Burned!


Ok, so before you even read my post today, check out the link above.
There are several reasons I find this article hilarious. First of all, the title. "Burned! Washington state woman shot by stove" So
a woman gets shot by her stove, which can be a traumatic and potentially dangerous situation. However, this author chooses to humorize the situation. I'm sure this woman did not find this situation too funny. But don't get me wrong, I am certainly not on Mrs. Remington er, Davis' story. How might a woman get shot by her stove? Well the explanation does nothing to prove this lady is in full mental capacity. She first thought it "was one fast hot coal flying at me." That's right, coal. Who uses a coal fired stove these days?

Where do you buy coal? By today's standards a gas fired stove can be considered old school, but a coal fired stove? Simply p
prehistoric. Moving on, this lady figured out it wasn't coal that came from her George Washington era kiln, but a 22 gauge shotgun shell. My first thought was, how does a shotgun shell get into a stove? Why would someone have shotgun shells anywhere near the kitchen. Silly me, apparently she spilled a box of shells near the stove and one must have gotten into the stove's chamber (pun intended). Of course this is a reasonable explanation. I mean, I spill shotgun shells by my stove all the time, and then I don't bother to look IN THE STOVE to see if any are hiding. Who has that kind of time? But it doesn't end there! Instead of getting into her ox-drawn wagon and going to the hospital, she decided to remove the shrapnel out of her leg my herself. She didn't even ford the river to the hospital until a day later. I'm sure that was a comfortable night. You just got shot by your stove, and now you have to put out all of the gas fired lamps in your house so it doesn't light the thatch roof on fire. What a hassle. I guess the moral of the story is to check your oven twice for shotgun shells before whipping up that 9 bean casserole.
On an unrelated note, you would think that the spell check on this site would recognize the words Barack, Obama, and McCain. Cause no one ever uses those names in a blog these days...

Tuesday, October 7

I Like Turtles

One day, I was camping in the northern Michigan woods, and I came across a turtle in the road. We stopped the car, and I went to get a picture. I reached my hand out and it reared up on its mossy haunches and bit me. Stupid idiot turtle. I was just giving it a friendly pat, and the old fool tried to take off my thumb. Its good I posses Anakin Skywalker-like reflexes and saved my primal appendage. Any way, while perusing the Internet I came across of someone who does not have a deep rooted animosity towards turtles. His name is Johnathan, and well, he likes turtles.
Oh well, its time to watch the debates. Look for my post debate review moments after the carnage. Aight then, holla then.