Saturday, November 15

Quantum of Boredom sponsored by Ford

Last night, I went to the local Celebration! Theatre at the Rivertown Mall to see the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace. I was pretty excited, as I liked the last Bond movie, Casino Royale. I liked the direction the movie went, taking Bond away from all of his stupid gadgets and tricks, and making him more about the hand to hand combat. He was transformed from girlyman (Pierce Brosnan) to manly man (Daniel Craig). So yeah, I was pretty pumped. However, this movie was nothing but disappointing. It was basically a continuation of the last movie, which of itself had a complex story line. This move made it seem more complex, as it tried to resolve the old story line and at the same time add a new plot. But, being that it was a Bond movie, I was not too worried, since the best part of these movies is the action sequences. How disappointing. The scenes were horrible. The director tried to go Jason Bourne and show lots of fast, close fight scenes. All they ended up being was jerky and uncoordinated messes. The fights were totally ruined, as it was too hard to figure out what was going on. In one specific scene, a boat chase, it was too hard to tell who was going where, or even who was chasing whom (who?). Forget why they were being chased (or chasing someone), it ended up looking like a gaggle of bumper boats at the Farmada Fair.
Another aspect that chapped my buns was the obscene product placement. If Ford goes under, its because they spent 2000 million dollars to get their cars in about 98% of the movie. Bond drives an Aston Martin in only the first scene. The rest of his transportation is made up of several Ford Edges (Hydrogen or course, Bond is also now an environmentalist), a brand new Ford Ka (a Honda Fit wannabe), and a Ford Bronco. Its great that the most uncool car company ever (wow, nice Taurus) plays a huge part in one of the coolest guy's movie. Seriously, Ford? It seems as if everything that Ford is involved with always fails cough cough lions cough. Thats why I was dismayed to see my favorite band, Angels & Airwaves, used as the background to a Ford commercial. I guess that means the end of yet another great Tom Delonge band.
Of course the movie cost $8.50, which is exactly 42 and a half packages of Ramen noodles at the Standale Meijer. Good thing I hate Ramen. I strongly advise all of my faithful(?) readers not to waste their precious time and money on this terrible movie. I can't wait until the next Bond movie, starring Zac Effron as 007. Maybe not, either way, avoid this movie at all costs, please.