Monday, December 22

Yo, Piecrusts.

I am always looking to expand my horizons, ans the culinary arts are my next endeavor. So enjoy this pie crust recipe I whipped up in my insomnia last night. Bone Appateet. (That's French).

3 cups flour
1 1/3 cups shortening
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 egg lightly beaten
2 tablespoons vinegar, apple cider or white
4 tablespoons of water, not hot

Mix together dry ingredients, cutting in shortening with a pastry blender until the size of peas. Mix together wet ingredients. Mix wet into dry until just incorporated. Divide into three balls. Can be rolled between plastic wrap sprinkled with a little flour. (Or, for a bottom crust, you can even put a ball of crust into the pie plate and use your fingers to press it into shape.)
Unbaked crust freezes well. Flatten ball(s), wrap individually in plastic, put in Ziploc bag, and freeze. Thaw in refrigerator. Makes 3 crusts.

You may want to look for a pie filling recipe to complete the pie. Or not.

Wednesday, December 3

Occasionally Lutheran High School North

Over the past Thanksgiving break, I was offered the chance to attend the Lighthouse Youth group at Woodside Bible Church no less than three separate times. Yet, to many people's surprise, I rejected every single offer. How could someone like me turn down something as seemingly great as Lighthouse? Well, I have a simple reason for never setting foot in this popular hangout. I am a Lutheran. Its pretty plain and simple. I believe in Lutheran doctrine and uphold Lutheran values that Lighthouse does not. I have held these beliefs my entire life, and I have no intention of ever changing. I am willing to take a stand for what I believe in, because what I believe is backed up by Scripture. This little concept of mine has started several arguments with people who do not consider themselves associated with the Lutheran church, or any denomination for that matter. They do not want to be “restricted” by denominations and petty church politics. I think its a cop-out. From what I can tell, most of these new found nondenominationals simply don't have the guts or desire to take a stand and possibly offend someone. Why can't we just all be friends and sing kumbya? Who cares about small stuff, like when to baptize someone, or whether The Lord's Supper is a symbol or not? Well, first of all, I can't stand that song, and second, I believe simple Lutheran characteristics such as infant baptism and communion cannot be ignored. These practices are too important for me to turn my back, no matter how “cool” or “relevant” Lighthouse may be. Their reasoning lies outside of the Bible, and focuses on feelings and emotions. The Great Commission at the end of Matthew 28 says that we are to “go and make disciples of all nations baptizing and teaching everything I have commanded you.” Not just a few parts of the Bible that we pick and choose, but we are to teach everything Christ has commanded us. When he says “This is My body”, I believe its Christ's body. If Genesis says the world was created in 6 days, then that's what I believe. End of story. See, I'm not big into picking and choosing or interpretation like so many leaders of the new Christian movement. Yes, I believe if you have faith that Jesus Christ is your savior you will go to heaven, but that doesn't mean my strong Lutheran beliefs have no bearing. I am a die-hard conservative, Reagan politics, pro-nuclear power, confessional Lutheran, college kid. I will not apologize or compromise my beliefs to fit into what is currently popular.

This Lighthouse trend appears to have affected a large number of LHN graduates and current students. This is sad, and fits my belief that Lutheran High School North has become Occasionally Lutheran High School North. Now, Occasionally Lutheran High School North isn't the worst place in the world; Christian values are still preached for the most part throughout the halls every single day. In chapel, students will occasionally get the law and gospel (about one in 5 chapels) if they are fortunate. A few teachers still hold strong to Lutheran doctrine, and some do an excellent job at it. Yet, most Lutheranism has died. In the pressure of the bottom line, the school has slacked off in one of the most important parts of its very existence, Lutheranism. Don't push Lutheran doctrine too hard, or all of the Catholics and other denominations will flee in terror (and their pocketbooks too). I believe the reason many students (including former Lutherans) have turned to nondenominational churches stems directly from the apathy involved with some of the religion department. For example, last year, as seniors, we were not equipped to enter the college world as Lutherans prepared with Lutheran theology, but rather as Christan debaters, ready to attack any fool who dares believe anything but Christianity. If the theme of one of my religion classes is a DC Talk song, then we are in serious trouble. The lack of a Lutheran education was glaring. For two of my four years, there was a non-Lutheran as Christian growth chair on Student Council. Another was elected this year. How many times did we watch universalist Rob Bell's blasphemous Nooma videos in chapel and in class? How many times were Lighthouse and Kensington Church promoted by students and teachers? How many times did we have non-Lutheran teachers? Was a Lutheran source ever used to defend Christianity last year? No. The Bible was rarely used, instead being replaced with an apparently better book for defending your faith, The Case For Christ. As we tried desperately to provide evidence and sources to “prove” Christianity, the power of the Holy Spirit and a little known noun called faith were dismissed as a cop out or a weak argument (Apparently I overestimated the Holy Ghost. Silly me!) And don't even think about using the Bible to defend your faith; you will be devoured alive by all of the brilliant atheists waiting in the shadows of your dorm. Welcome to Occasionally Lutheran High School North. As the child of an English teacher, I understand the dangers of word repetition, but in this case, I will repeat the word “Lutheran” until you are dizzy because, believe it or not, the high school on 24 and Romeo Plank is supposed to be a Lutheran school! (At least that's what the sign says.) Unrelated Note- What was the deal with the”Ask us about our Mormon Ties” sign??? Do I have to investigate something else at OLHN? Hello Mitt Romney? Did Steve Young replace Pastor Ball? Eieie.

So here we are, 5 months after graduating, and many of the students of Lutheran North theology have migrated to nondenominational worship. This sad fact is a direct reflection on the school. The excuse was that we got all of that Lutheran stuff out of the way junior year with Pastor Ball, and now it was time to move onto the “real world” where we will be in constant debate with all kinds of pagans, atheists, Buddhist monks, and rap artists. That is the response I expect. Or something about Lutheranism still being important, but not totally applicable to apologetics. Well, I am 3 months into college, and the only debates I have gotten into over religion were with fellow LHN grads as I defended Lutheran doctrine. If students are willing to so easily give up their longtime Lutheran beliefs within a few months, how much longer will it take to compromise even further? Lutheran doctrine is extremely important to me, but apparently not to some of the LHN staff as shown by their pitiful attempts at chapel. As a Lutheran, I will continue to hold steadfast in the Lutheran beliefs demonstrated by Luther's Small Catechism, no matter how much pressure I receive to leave my scripturally based Lutheran beliefs.

Epilogue- Can I have an epilogue without a prologue? I hope so. Anyway, after that rant, I would like to add a few additional points. First, I do not believe that Christians outside of the Lutheran Church are going to hell. John 3:16 tells us that anyone who believes in Christ will live eternally. I just know that Lutherans have the most scripturally accurate denomination. Second, I do not believe all teachers have failed me and my classmates in teaching proper Lutheran doctrine. Many tried very hard to stick to the Biblical truth, and I greatly appreciate that. Third, I am not exactly sure of the religious culture of the school right at this moment; I am basing many of my arguments on my career from 2004-2008. If things have changed (hahaha, “things”. Its a blog, who cares), please let me know. But I doubt it. And lastly, thanks for reading.

Much platonic love,


Tuesday, December 2


Its official, this blog has crossed borders and found its way into South America and Europe. Shout out to my readers in La Victoria, Peru and Langenfeld, Germany. My goal for 2009 will be to have 100 European page views and 20 Asian page views. Ole!

Monday, December 1

Kitty Wigs

It is officially shopping season, and the hottest item of the year is here. Yes, that's right, Kitty Wigs. Here is what the website( says:

"Each Kitty Wig™ comes in an attractive round metal wig case with our fresh new logo on it. Your wig will arrive on a wig form and covered in a hair net to help keep its shape and luster.

The package also includes complete inst
ructions for care, suggestions from professional photographers, and a mouse with rattle to help you direct Kitty's stunned gaze. Every kitty loves the promise of a new toy for model behavior.

Please remember, Kitty Wigs should only be used with human supervision, and introduced slowly. When not in use, the wig should always be stored in its pawproof case. Complete directions and safety warnings are included with every package. Please read them carefully and avoid unnecessary dangers."

This is the creepiest/coolest thing since Furby and is sure to be a hot Christmas item. My question is, which wig fits my cat, Murphy? Please give me feedback!

Tuesday, November 25

Happy Thanksgiving

I will be returning to Mt. Clemens for Thanksgiving, so I probably won't update this blog. Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy all the gifts God had blessed given to you. In the mean time, I will be renovating the look of this blog to give it a more professional feel. I guess that means an end to the John Ham posts...

Monday, November 24

You went to a Lutheran School if...

Ok, since many of the people that read this blog are part of the Lutheran school system in some way, I decided to post this. I found this list online through various searches. The funny part of this is the fact that it is incredibly true. Note my comments in a different font and color.

You could name every single person in your graduating class
Yep, Kirsten Adams all the way to Teddy Zinc, its true.

You know you are right, and everyone else is wrong. End of discussion.

You can name all 12 of the Concordias, which is good for absolutely nothing, except for maybe this you sit there and attempt to name them all ;)
Wisconsin, Ann Arbor, Chicago, Austin, Seward, Portland, St. Paul, Selma, Irvine, Bronxville. There's really only 10, but you can include the seminaries (Ft. Wayne, St. Louis). OK OK I cheated, but I knew about 7 of them.

St. Louis is considered your "mecca"
I made a pilgrimage as a lad. My padawans are scouring the archives for photographic evidence.

All of your religion teachers have told you something entirely different about the same section of doctrine
Sad but true.

Few of your teachers were actually good at their job, despite being "called".
They said it, not me.

It's impossible to lobby for the removal of any teacher, called or not called.
Has a teacher ever been fired? Its an honest question, if you know of one, please say something.

Chapel is always on Wednesdays, and you never quite figured out why...
Don't forget hot lunch.

You celebrate Lutheran Schools' Week, while the rest of the world just sits and wonders
Who could forget tinfoil day?

Dress code violations = breaking the 11th Commandment

At least half the girls in your school were dating the boys from the nearby Catholic high school
Oh, those dreamy De La Salle hunks. I mean, they have lacrosse...

You know that Wednesdays are "easy" homework nights because that's "church night"
And rebellion if some teacher forgets and gives even the smallest worksheet. And most of you didn't even go...

There are only 3 Lutheran churches actually represented at your school
(St. Peter Macomb, Trinity Utica, St. John Rochester)

At least 3 of your relatives and 6 of your friends' family members work in the Lutheran School system

At least 30% of your class goes to the same college

All of your male teachers are color blind
Many teachers cannot read this sentence.

Most of your friends have at least one parent that works at the school.
So true.

Half of the young teachers meet their spouse at their first call

Suggesting change (even if its just to the seating chart) is considered sacrilegious.
I heard something about not having a mixer this year...I don't mean to start a riot or anything.

You not only know the all the kids in your grade...but also all the kids in the grades above and below you (even if they attend the sister school above or below you) and their parents as well.

Even if you live in a Blue State, in mock elections at least 85% of the students will vote for the Republican candidate.
(And the people who voted democrat simply did it out of spite)

The computer lab uses modems from the mid-90's.
Windows 98 on a CRT display anyone? And what's a 3 1/2 Floppy Drive? Man that Pentium II is too fast!

You remember those white song books with the reddish-pink print on the front, from which you would sing "The King of Glory Comes" every Wednesday in chapel.
The King of Glory was bigger than Brittany Spears, N'Sync, and The Backstreet Boys combined. There wasn't a day this song was not requested in 2nd grade.

Calling your school anything but "Lutheran High" is sinful.
Don't want anyone getting confused with the poorly dressed people at L'Ance Cruise North or Detroit Northwestern

All of your friends live twenty minutes away from you.
(Farmada, Mt. Clemens, St. Clair, the planet Evan Ames lives on...)

Teachers define you by your older siblings and are never shy to tell you stories about them.
If I was Erik Shull, I would strangle the next person that even hints at Adam, the number 36, or rocket science. Leave the poor boy alone!

And I am sure I will get some heat for this, so here's my disclaimer. This is all in fun. I loved LHN. I loved the fact that I could freely express my faith with my peers at anytime. I loved being able to hear God's word in chapel everyday, and if I was lucky, I might even get some Law and Gospel. I was truly blessed to be able to attend Lutheran Schools my whole life until now. But seriously, why is every male teacher color bind?

Let it Snow

Let the deluge begin. The snows have begun in Allendale Michigan. About 2 inches fell in a few hours, and it has continued to snow lightly all day. The trek to class was dangerous, as the numerous black diamond-grade hills on campus were covered in snow. I refused to wear boots, a good choice, considering I would have been the only student to wear them on campus. Multiple snowmen have emerged, including a Calvin and Hobbes-esque collection of miniature snowmen in front of Fresh Foods. However, I am told this blissful honeymoon will come to an abrupt end, as this weather pattern will be repeated everyday until June. I'm told the lake effect snow is so bad, it occasionally snows fish. Oh well, watch for black ice,

Sunday, November 23

Joe Horn: Insert Foot In Mouth

"We still feel like they still haven't figured out what hit 'em up there. We know our defense is going to make the adjustments to give us even more opportunities to score on them. From what I've heard, they're scared to play us again."-Joe Horn, wide receiver for Ashland University on what he thinks about the outcome of the playoff game between Grand Valley State and Ashland. Joe caught 12 passes for 183 yards and 2 touchdowns in the last time the Lakers met AU, where GVSU narrowly won.
Well Joe, good plan. Grand Valley ended up winning 40-7 in an uncompetitive blowout (story of the football program) this past Saturday. But I'm sure Joe did all he could to back up his smack, if 4 receptions for 18 yards for no touchdowns is backing up his words... This was yet another boring Grand Valley massacre. There's really not much to say about this game other than Joe Horn's stupid comments. It was funny hearing Joe get torn apart by the GV student section, but after while, it got boring, as we all realized he didn't technically show up for this game. I can't wait until next week's blowout.
A few days back, I got my 4th free item in my mail order project. This time, it was 5 Tobacco Free posters with Tony Hawk on them. Way awesome. Skate on, Aaron

Wednesday, November 19

This Blog Will Not Cave

Recently, there has been pressure for me to stop using and switch to Facebook Notes. I have posted several notes on Facebook, including my most controversial piece ever, "Mustang Fans Display Poor Sportsmanship". See, that's the cool part of Facebook. It is very accessible. Within hours, I was able to get terrific feedback from all sides of the issue. However, as I began reading some of the poorly constructed responses, I realized Facebook is for morons. Anyone can throw up anything with zero effort or attempt at professionalism. I expected to get feedback, but not expletive laden rants by whiny crybabies. Facebook is the reason America struggles with grammar. Bad grammar is acceptable on this website, and even promoted. Was something funny? lol. Do you not know? idk. Are you just kidding? jk. How articulate. Sure Facebook is great for finding old friends and leaving stupid messages, but not for serious writing. It has become popular recently to craft some "serious" work and then post it on Facebook. I don't really have a problem with this, in fact I have a link to this very blog on my own page. The feature that keeps Facebook on the same level as a gossip magazine is the tagging feature. Once you slap together your classical work of literature, you can tag people in your note. This means that if you are tagged, you will get a notification that directs you to the Facebook note. Some see this as a great way for lots of people to see your writing, I see it as a cheap way to get attention. By tagging me, the writer is basically forcing me to read his or her opinion. Its as if the Detroit News came to my house, went inside, and woke me up to point out all of the top stories. If this happened, most people would be furious. I am getting very tired of people tagging me with their religious and political enlightenment's posted on Facebook. Most of them are riddled with errors and contain overused cliches. It has become too easy to sound like an expert. I don't try to act like I am some sort of prophet or super-political scientist, I just tell it how I see it. Yet these Facebook notes have gotten out of control. I am sick of being tagged. I am not going to call anyone individually and tell them to visit this blog, I will let my writing speak for itself, and if it is good enough, people will hear about it eventually. I give mad props to all of my fellow bloggers who have not stooped to the tabloid level of Facebook notes. We put time into our work. Time to build a layout. Time to think out our points. Time to post it in an actual blog. Now I am not saying that blogs are the pinnacle of writing, but they certainly hold more weight than a note. So please, don't tag me in your sermons or your rants; take the time to put it on a better medium. And no, I will NOT be switching my blogs to Facebook Notes. I am not thirsting for attention that bad.
In other news, I'm glad the Indian Navy sunk the pirate mother-ship. Another reason I love America is that I am not worried about being attacked by pirates. At least not real pirates; there are still those strange people who actually think they are Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom and they actually think they have a decent British accent. They do still lurk amongst the shadows. I will judo chop the next pirate wannabe who even hints at the word "parlay".
And I am sad to see that Debby the polar bear was euthanized after a series of strokes at a zoo in Canada. Yeah...not really. I wonder if the gift shop will be serving bear venison soon... Oh well, keep on truckin, Aaron

Saturday, November 15

Quantum of Boredom sponsored by Ford

Last night, I went to the local Celebration! Theatre at the Rivertown Mall to see the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace. I was pretty excited, as I liked the last Bond movie, Casino Royale. I liked the direction the movie went, taking Bond away from all of his stupid gadgets and tricks, and making him more about the hand to hand combat. He was transformed from girlyman (Pierce Brosnan) to manly man (Daniel Craig). So yeah, I was pretty pumped. However, this movie was nothing but disappointing. It was basically a continuation of the last movie, which of itself had a complex story line. This move made it seem more complex, as it tried to resolve the old story line and at the same time add a new plot. But, being that it was a Bond movie, I was not too worried, since the best part of these movies is the action sequences. How disappointing. The scenes were horrible. The director tried to go Jason Bourne and show lots of fast, close fight scenes. All they ended up being was jerky and uncoordinated messes. The fights were totally ruined, as it was too hard to figure out what was going on. In one specific scene, a boat chase, it was too hard to tell who was going where, or even who was chasing whom (who?). Forget why they were being chased (or chasing someone), it ended up looking like a gaggle of bumper boats at the Farmada Fair.
Another aspect that chapped my buns was the obscene product placement. If Ford goes under, its because they spent 2000 million dollars to get their cars in about 98% of the movie. Bond drives an Aston Martin in only the first scene. The rest of his transportation is made up of several Ford Edges (Hydrogen or course, Bond is also now an environmentalist), a brand new Ford Ka (a Honda Fit wannabe), and a Ford Bronco. Its great that the most uncool car company ever (wow, nice Taurus) plays a huge part in one of the coolest guy's movie. Seriously, Ford? It seems as if everything that Ford is involved with always fails cough cough lions cough. Thats why I was dismayed to see my favorite band, Angels & Airwaves, used as the background to a Ford commercial. I guess that means the end of yet another great Tom Delonge band.
Of course the movie cost $8.50, which is exactly 42 and a half packages of Ramen noodles at the Standale Meijer. Good thing I hate Ramen. I strongly advise all of my faithful(?) readers not to waste their precious time and money on this terrible movie. I can't wait until the next Bond movie, starring Zac Effron as 007. Maybe not, either way, avoid this movie at all costs, please.

Wednesday, November 12

New GV Menu Items

Grand Valley has been looking to upgrade its menu. This is what they came up with.

Wednesday, October 29

Why UPS people carry pepper spray

Cue "The Final Countdown", because tonight is game one of the Detroit Pistons 2008-2009 season. The ballers from the motor city will take on the Indiana Pacers at the Palace of Auburn Hills. A new season with the same goal: an NBA championship. However, I do not think this is going to be a great season. The Pistons are stuck in am awkward transition period. They have been loyal to their players unlike any other team; the core of Billups, Hamilton, Wallace, and Prince has been together since 2004. This is unheard of in a league where Michal Jordan can come back with a team other than the Bulls. On the other side, the team does have a strong core of young players, such as Jason Maxiel, Amir Johnson, and Rodney Stuckey. These players should be getting much more playing time, but the franchises loyalty to the fantastic four will not allow it. I understand that the veterans were a part of the great 2004 championship, and they have been so cohesive for so long, but it is time to move on. Sheed is so old that he is an average player even when he wants to play. Chauncey no longer goes as hard to the basket as he used to, Hamilton is past his prime, and Prince has not improved in 3 years. I think the Pistons should let go of the past and move on. It was time to break up the core 2 years ago. In the spring we will see the same results; a loss in the Eastern Conference finals, if they make it that far. They should have made a move while the core had a higher value. Now, they will get little more than salary cap space for the core. Its time to move on Joe.
While on the topic of the Pistons, I would like to bring up an issue that has concerned me for the past two years.
As soon as the Pistons drafted Rodney Stuckey, I thought he had a striking resemblance to rapper 50 Cent.
Well, this summer, I made some calls, and I was able to have them meet each other in person. See for yourself.
I was right. Physically. Career-wise however, they are quite opposite. Stuckey has great potential to dominate basketball. 50 is well past his prime, yet he continues to act like he is the greatest entertainer ever. I mean its been 5 years since "In Da Club" came out. 50, you ain't no Stuckey.
In other news, I received my second and third free packages in the mail.
The first was a poster that shows a cow and says "see her as more than a meal."
It is from PETA and encourages me not to murder the souls of the bovine species.
I had a cheeseburger last night.
The second package was a Betty Crocker Molten Cake Mix.
All I have to do is add water and microwave! In order to
get the packages, I had to go to the mail center. I figured this would be similar to a post office: clean, organized, and bright.
However, this room could be the shadiest place in Grand Valley.
It is a mess, smells like pizza, it is dark, and crowded full of suspicios charactars milling around my precious boxed goods.
So if you do plan on sending a package to your favorite blogger,
don't label it in any way. Just brown boxes people. Have a splendid day,

P.S. I bought an air freshener (lilac) and it smells very nice in here.

Friday, October 24

Free at last, free at last, steak almighty, free at last.

About a month ago, I engaged in a serious project to get as much free goods as I possibly could. I read a story in "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader" about a TV show where they put a guy in a bare house, and he had to order everything from free samples in magazines. I put my name on many mailing lists for products ranging from toothpaste to an American flag. Well, a few days ago, I received my first mail. In my mailbox was a free coupon for Country Bob's All Purpose Scauce in a 13 oz. bottle. Of course this is only available in limited stores, but it is still free. This is the college life.
In other news, I went to High School Musical 3 at 12:01 AM this morning, and I have to say, it was better than expected. They cut down on the cheeseballity of the previous movies. However, one problem I did have was the scene on the rooftop of East High. As a member of the LHN summer maintenance crew, I can tell you that roof was highly unrealistic. I mean, plants? I painted pipes up there, and the only interesting stuff i found was a dead bird, a pair of briefs, and a shoe from about 1983. This was highly unrealistic. I have nothing else to say. Its now or never.

Thursday, October 23

Content 2 Heavy 2 Handle

So the Kwame texts were released and the judge described them as "text sex". In order to keep the family atmosphere of this bolg, I will not review the documents. Thug thizzle.

Friday, October 17

No History at LHN

As I meet more and more people from different schools here at Grand Valley, I become more and more aware of a common fact. Almost every other school has far more school spirit than my former school. These school have really cool traditions and histories that are nonexistent on the corner of 24 and Romeo Plank. I feel as if my Sophomore year was the peak of school spirit, as Rob Rotondo and crew started the Black Hole. Well, 3 years later, and I doubt people will even realize there is a basketball season. Apparently the open air mall is still a hot attraction. Mr. Slagel informed me that he counted a total of 12 people at the football game last Saturday. 12. There were more students at my sister's 5th grade girls' games back in the day. Pathetic. Even the crowd at homecoming was abysmal. I did not hear one cheer. I remember my freshman year when the crowd went crazy as the Cranbrook mascot came to our section. Yes, people used to cheer at games. The bleachers were not a metal extension of the parking lot, but a place to watch the games and get loud. The seniors used to sit at the front of the section and lead the students, not sit at the top and share the latest gossip about Nathan Schilling's girlfriends. I am wary of going back to a basketball game, as each year has gotten worse and worse.
I offer a solution. Change. Yes, Barack "The One" Obama's campaign slogan applies to what once was a proud school spirit tradition. The whole Mustang attitude needs to be changes. Next year you all will be moving to a new conference, with new opponents. Its time to get proud, get cocky, and get fired up about you school. In other wards, turn off Facebook, get off your phone, take off your ridiculous torn Hollister shirt and show you care about being a Mustang. Sure, it might be a down year, but the class of 09 will graduate, and the school can continue its sports success.
I know I sound harsh, but LHN is one of the strangest schools around when it comes to school spirit. LHN should have incredible spirit, yet Farmada, er, Armada consistently out cheers us. As basketball season approaches, I hope at least a few seniors step up and fire up the school.If that fails, I heard the Freshman and Sophomores were the loudest at the pep rally this year; the Black Hole Alumni Committee (yes, it exists) may endorse an underclassmen to lead the masses (all 12 of you). Class of 12 baby.
In other news, Barack Obama just walked on water and I had pizza for lunch and dinner today. Stay tuned for danger, Aaron

Thursday, October 9


Ok, so before you even read my post today, check out the link above.
There are several reasons I find this article hilarious. First of all, the title. "Burned! Washington state woman shot by stove" So
a woman gets shot by her stove, which can be a traumatic and potentially dangerous situation. However, this author chooses to humorize the situation. I'm sure this woman did not find this situation too funny. But don't get me wrong, I am certainly not on Mrs. Remington er, Davis' story. How might a woman get shot by her stove? Well the explanation does nothing to prove this lady is in full mental capacity. She first thought it "was one fast hot coal flying at me." That's right, coal. Who uses a coal fired stove these days?

Where do you buy coal? By today's standards a gas fired stove can be considered old school, but a coal fired stove? Simply p
prehistoric. Moving on, this lady figured out it wasn't coal that came from her George Washington era kiln, but a 22 gauge shotgun shell. My first thought was, how does a shotgun shell get into a stove? Why would someone have shotgun shells anywhere near the kitchen. Silly me, apparently she spilled a box of shells near the stove and one must have gotten into the stove's chamber (pun intended). Of course this is a reasonable explanation. I mean, I spill shotgun shells by my stove all the time, and then I don't bother to look IN THE STOVE to see if any are hiding. Who has that kind of time? But it doesn't end there! Instead of getting into her ox-drawn wagon and going to the hospital, she decided to remove the shrapnel out of her leg my herself. She didn't even ford the river to the hospital until a day later. I'm sure that was a comfortable night. You just got shot by your stove, and now you have to put out all of the gas fired lamps in your house so it doesn't light the thatch roof on fire. What a hassle. I guess the moral of the story is to check your oven twice for shotgun shells before whipping up that 9 bean casserole.
On an unrelated note, you would think that the spell check on this site would recognize the words Barack, Obama, and McCain. Cause no one ever uses those names in a blog these days...

Tuesday, October 7

I Like Turtles

One day, I was camping in the northern Michigan woods, and I came across a turtle in the road. We stopped the car, and I went to get a picture. I reached my hand out and it reared up on its mossy haunches and bit me. Stupid idiot turtle. I was just giving it a friendly pat, and the old fool tried to take off my thumb. Its good I posses Anakin Skywalker-like reflexes and saved my primal appendage. Any way, while perusing the Internet I came across of someone who does not have a deep rooted animosity towards turtles. His name is Johnathan, and well, he likes turtles.
Oh well, its time to watch the debates. Look for my post debate review moments after the carnage. Aight then, holla then.

Tuesday, September 30

On Track With Amtrack

Today, the Federal government announced it would be investing 30 million George Washingtons into the rail system, as more and more Americans turn to rail transportation due to high gas prices. Amtrak has carried more passengers in July (including myself) than any month ever. However, the money will go to create new rails, as opposed to improving the existing lines. This is the wrong move. The taxpayer money should go to all of the current lines. How you ask? Here are my suggestions:1. Mental Health Screenings. Many train riders are mentally unstable, and should not be riding trains. A simple mental health test would eliminate potential pshycopaths fro
m boarding trains and annoying the crap out of everyone on board.
2. Eliminate the "Sister Train". If you have ever ridden Amtrack, you will discover the dreaded sister train, or the slow train you are following. The sister train's only purpose is to drive(?) slowly, and cause delays for the brother train.
3. Provide Heat. Each passenger should be able to control the temperature of the jet that blasts you from above. There is no reason to shoot freezing air out during a 60 degree day.
4.Hire better P.A. guys. Its great that the conductor dude is keeping us informed, bu I don't really care what he has to say. He should drive the train.
5.Wash Stains from Seats. It would be great if the money could be used to eliminate bloodstains from my seat. Enough said here.
6. Improve the Station. My garage is nicer than the "train station" in Dearborn.
7. Give Mr. Hardy's dad a raise. He takes the tickets at the entrance, and he deserves much more, since he has to deal with morons all day.
8. Drill in ANWR. The extra oil would not solve our energy problems, but it would certainly help a little.

Monday, September 22

Welcome to Aaron's Blog 2.0

This is my new blog, which I may actually use. I have no idea what I will talk about, it will probably be very random stuff that I find interesting. Also, I will use it to keep you updated on on the progress of my band, Swimmers Itch, as we prepare to record and release our first (and epic) record. So yeah, don't get too excited, just read it. Some additional information: the other members of my band are David Sawitzky and Melissa Pizzimenti. I am a freshman at Grand Valley State University in Allendale Michigan, which is by Grand Rapids.